Embracing Vulnerability

“To share your weakness is to make yourself vulnerable. To make yourself vulnerable is to show your strength.”

Criss Jami

CourageTrust. Connection. These terms have been popping up frequently in my latest posts. A clear sign that my work in these areas is far from done.

Each day brings new challenges, new choices, new opportunities to put theory into practice, which is (surprise, surprise) much harder than I anticipated. I hoped that, by simply grasping a concept, I’d be able to apply it to everyday life and potentially tricky situations. Well, no such luck.

As my dating adventure progresses, I find myself falling back into old patterns of overthinking, overreacting and anxiety – patterns I thought I’d left behind.

Dating is an exercise of dealing with the unknown, insecurity and painful self-doubts: “Are they going to be good for me?””Am I good enough for them?”

Truth be told, sometimes, I think that the only reason I seem desirable to someone is because they haven’t gotten to know me well enough and, once they will, they’ll quickly change their mind and disappear.

As long as I manage to put the best version of myself on display, I feel fine, safe and protected. But I can’t – and don’t want to – hide forever.

And yet, every time I unbuckle my armour – even a tiny little bit – I feel exposed, scared, disappointed with myself for showing my weak, soft side. Unsheltered, unprotected.

Showing my shortcomings, my faults, my failures means that I leave myself to be hurt. In my attempt to not be vulnerable, I am ultimately motivated by fear.

I’ve decided I deserve more. I want to have the courage to put my heart on the line, feel the fear and do it anyway, in the truest act of self-acceptance and strength.

So, instead of assuming the worst, I try to act as if everything will be the way I would like it to be and that I will be all right, no matter what.

Because – in the end – I will.

 

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One Comment Add yours

  1. elliegreendesign says:

    Me too, me too! 😖
    Ellie
    http://ellie-green.com

    Like

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