Loose Control

“Success is not final, failure is not fatal. It is the courage to continue that counts.”

Winston Churchill

I recently realised that I’m a (hopefully recovering) control freak.

In psychology-related slang, control freaks are often perfectionists defending themselves against their own vulnerabilities in the belief that – if they’re not in total control – they risk exposing themselves.

The deceiving sensation of staying in control helps us escape the fear of the unfamiliar and avoid the potential judgement of others. It keeps us from getting hurt, rejected and disappointed.

We crave control when we’re emotionally attached to a specific outcome – an outcome we’re sure is best for us – as if we actually know what’s best. We’re trying to control others to compensate our own fear.

We choose to remain within the comfort zone to stay safe, rather than surrender to the unknown, embrace change and face the challenges of transformative and potentially threatening circumstance.

However, when we finally step out of our comfort zone, do something unfamiliar that forces us to loosen control and simply go with the flow – that’s where the magic happens.

Taking a leap of faith is far from easy. It teaches us to confront our insecurities, admit our imperfections, overcome our fears. It makes us vulnerable, fragile and open. It makes us human.

Luckily, nobody’s perfect. Even better, most people are too focused on their own internal struggles to notice ours. Most importantly, with a little bit of patience and persistence, it’s possible to change this pattern.

How? Here are a few suggestions.

1. Notice when you’re in the control mode.

2. Detach from the outcome and focus on the process.

3. Take care of yourself: relax your body and still your mind.

4. Drop the comparison.

5. Make a conscious choice to go slower, take your time.

6. Commit to not worrying what other people think.

7. Stop complaining. Focus on the bright side of things.

8. It’s not about inaction. It’s about taking action from a place of surrender.

9. Take little leaps of faith, small steps outside of your comfort zone.

10. Choose to trust in a positive outcome.

Finally… Fail again. Fail more. Fail better.

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